In order to understand why lonely people tend to avoid others, we need to define simple loneliness vs chronic loneliness.
Simple loneliness is a condition, often with an achy feeling in your belly, that is remedied when you return to being with others. The company of others alleviates the loneliness directly. It’s the most natural thing in the world.
Chronic loneliness is not remedied in the presence of others. With the chronic condition, loneliness often worsens in the presence of other people. This is why chronically lonely people tend to avoid others. Being around people only makes matters worse.
To a chronically lonely person, being alone is painful but represents the lesser of two evils. The primary pain of chronic loneliness takes full effect when surrounded by the warm glow of flowing conversation among friends.
What’s going on?
A chronically lonely person who avoids people is suffering from more than simple loneliness. There’s a veil of beliefs that enshrouds the issue and keeps it locked in place.
- You deserve to be lonely.
- People hate you.
- No one is interested.
- You’ll make a fool of yourself.
- People are so much better than you.
- They are just being nice – they still hate you.
- You don’t belong!
The veil of limiting beliefs prevents the loneliness from being cured by the presence of people. Instead, people only trigger more subjective evidence of the pain, along with the assurance that it will never change no matter what. So it just makes more sense to accept your fate and be alone, if lonely.
Each limiting belief is like a part of you that enters consciousness and tells you how things really are. You believe these parts because you don’t understand what’s going on.