My Friend Disrespected my Wife

It really happened. My good friend disrespected my wife thoroughly, over the course of an afternoon. It was a shock to witness. Needless to say, these situations are difficult. Here is what I have to say to him.

Dear Friend,

Let me show you how much my wife means to me. I am bonded to her. Over these years of marriage, she has become the first woman in my life with whom I’ve formed a bond of love. My mother wasn’t there for me, emotionally.

I am clear how mother-son and husband-wife bonds are different. Our bond is husband-wife. It’s healthy. I love my wife and I know she loves me. Our relationship, foibles and all, is safe and dependable as well as adventurous and fun. We do well as partners in life. We’ve literally made millions of dollars and traveled the world together. One day in the very near future, we’ll sail away on our yacht to explore the wild blue yonder. It’s a dream that comes truer every single day.

I can hardly believe it! I found a bond of love with a woman, toward whom I have feelings of love and attraction yet feel duty-bound. I am committed in my responsibility toward her, even when I don’t feel loving. When things sour between us, I press on until harmony is restored. That is always my goal and that’s how it works with us.

Given that she feels the same, there is no foreseeable obstacle that we cannot overcome. Knowing this is a source of profound joy and hope, the kind that makes life worth living.

When we were last in each other’s presence, Jake, you were rude to her. I saw it with my own eyes, over and over and over. And then you denied it. Does she mean so little to you that you don’t even want to bother with the topic?

I suspect you couldn’t see how important my wife is to me. That changes nothing, especially given that you were my friend, who ought to have considered even the possibility that she really means a lot. She does. You no longer do.

Don’t you see? She and I share an emotional bond. When you disrespect her, it affects me, and it hurts. It sure didn’t feel like any of these facts ever crossed your mind. In other words, we weren’t real to you, my friend. You didn’t get us in spite of your gift for observation and communication. This leaves behind a harsh reality: You targeted my wife as part of some self-serving agenda.

And before we speculate about what that might be, I am already done. Before we wonder whether you were really my friend in the first place, the point is moot. Your disrespect for the love of my life was sufficient to end things between us either way.

Strangely, I’m relieved.