An anxious-attachment type approaches her avoidant partner. The anxious attachment type is there to have a heart-to-heart about boundaries.
Boundaries. Separation. Let’s talk, shall we?
The deviant avoidant attachment type is ready and attentive. Let’s do this!
The anxious attachment type explains that….
I feel like you are only there for a minute at a time and I need more. I need to draw a boundary with you. You haven’t been giving me the time and genuine attention that I need. But I keep coming back with the hope that you’ll finally understand; that some switch will flip within you and we’ll finally be able to be together in a mutually fulfilling way. I just want to be together but if you can’t meet my needs, I can’t keep doing this. I need to draw the line now.
The deviant avoidant attachment type knows just what to do. Here is her thought process:
Ok – time to support her in drawing the line, which is like giving her a rope with which to hang herself. I will support her efforts to instill boundaries because boundaries will give her exactly what she fears most – separation from me. Therefore, respecting the boundaries – supporting and encouraging them, plays her against herself. She cannot imagine her life without me. She needs me in some deep, intoxicating way and that need is my greatest ally. Yes, of course, boundaries are healthy. Do what you need to do…
Oh dear lord. Are people really capable of such treachery? Such subtle guile? Of course they are. Is your significant other doing this level of gamification with you? I don’t know.