Try this experiment: Say something about suffering that is wholly untrue. For example: When the mail comes late, I deserve to be punished. It’s my fault!
When you say that, you should not feel any emotional hook. No guilt, fear, embarrassment. It should feel a little absurd. If for some reason you feel any emotional hook with that one, try saying something preposterous, like: I deserve to be tried, convicted and sentenced to life in prison for the murder of John F. Kennedy!
If there is life on other planets and they have problems, I should pay! I am not entitled to be happy because I am clearly the cause intergalactic issues!
You get it. Think of some things that you know both mentally and emotionally have nothing to do with you and then lay the blame on yourself. Oh, the strangeness of self-sabotage. True enough? Way off?